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“It was an up and down year for film” and all that shit. It was what it was and I’m writing these blogs to tell you what I liked and what I didn’t. I hope you enjoy it and that we can get into some spirited debates!

I’ve really adopted this mantra and feel we should approach all art as Maffew has perfectly put it:

“Enjoy it when it’s good and laugh at it when it’s bad.”

Quick note: This is a list of movies that had potential but were offensively bad. Things like Movie 43 and Grown Ups 2 won’t rank here as there was no hope or good intentions behind them in the first place.

Dishonorable Mentions:
21 & Over
Anchorman 2
The Heat
Identity Thief
Monsters University

w55. Only God Forgives
What Only God Forgives is, is an exercise in hubris. It is not “ambitious”, it is a filmmaker buying into his own hype. Nicolas Winding Refn directed  Drive, the best movie of 2011, and that’s something no one can ever take away from him, but he also made this explosion of misogyny, brutality, and neon lights. Ryan Gosling and Kristin Scott Thomas may have been in on the joke the whole time, though, as they gave memorably disastrous performances. The saving grace of Only God Forgives is that it teeters on the line of so-bad-it-could-gain-cult-status. It is the only movie on this list that I would watch again… With a case of beer and few buddies to point and laugh with.

MAN OF STEEL4. Man of Steel
The most elaborate, expensive commercial for IHOP, 7-11, or Sears in history. Zack Snyder got away from the slow-motion (presumably because he was preoccupied getting historical bad performances out of Amy Adams and Diane Lane) and replaced it with close-ups and hilariously pointless descrution that nailed it with the 11 to 16 demographic. There are so many “Huh?”, “Wait a minute…”, and “But I thought…” moments in the movie that it’s best to throw up your arms and just let it all happen. Henry Cavill is a robot. Also, watch 300, Watchmen, and Man of Steel and try to argue that Zack Snyder is NOT clearly a homosexual.

w33. The Purge
No movie in 2013 went more out of its way to insult the intelligence of its audience than The Purge.

w22. Girl Most Likely
You see a movie like this and wonder if the script went through any development at all. I trust that somewhere in the screenplay was a good film to be made, but what we got was the antithesis. Christopher Fitzgerald is the only noticeably bad performance, but the rest of the cast is just wasted on cliché, hollow characters. The story doesn’t flow well or even at all. The film’s aim was to see what Annie Walker having a mid-life crisis would look like. The main difference, however, is that Bridesmaids was nominated for two Oscars and Girl Most Likely was a flopping misfire.

w11. A Good Day To Die Hard
This became the second movie that I have ever walked out of. A bold statement, but this is the worst movie Bruce Willis has ever made as it took a crap on the franchise that made him what he is.

And that doesn’t even cover half of its faults.

The 2013 Mainstream Rasslin’ Awards and the Top Ten Films of 2013 to come this week.

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